A Fork In The Road

Over the course of the last few weeks I have been doing quite a bit of research on the next step in the process. I have been reading extensively on health, nutrition, and eastern philosophy. I couldn't help but post the following from the George Sheehan website. If you are interested in reading more about George Sheehan click on the link on this blog and check out the essays. In the meantime, enjoy the excerpt below from his book titled Running and Being:

The people who think they know say that given a second chance a man will make the same mess of his life he did the first time. Playwrights and novelists over the years have never given us hope that reliving our lives would have any different result the second time around. Our scientists and psychologists seem to agree. Even such disparate thinkers as Bucky Fuller and B.F. Skinner are together on this. ""We shouldn't try to change people," wrote Skinner. "We should change the world in which people live." It is a thought Fuller often expressed.

Some, of course, take an opposing view. The people who deal in Faith, Hope, and Charity seem to think that one day is as good as another for changing your personal history. Philosophers since recorded time have recommended it. From Pindar to Emerson they have told us to become the thing we are, to fulfill our design, to choose our own reality, our own way of being a person. What they didn't tell us was how to do it, or how difficult it would be. When Paul said to put on the New Man, he reminded us of the unlimited potential of man, but the lives we lead constantly remind us of the obvious limits to this potential.

Clearly the Good Life is not as accessible as the books say. And yet it is not from want of trying that we have failed. We start our new lives with almost as much frequency as Mark Twain gave up smoking (thousands of times) and with about the same success.

Can tomorrow be the first day of the rest of our life? And can that life be completely different from the mess it is today? The answer, of course, has to be yes, or all those great men wouldn't have said so. But how do you go about it?

The first thing to do, it seems to me, is to retrace your steps. To go back to that period of your life when you were operating as a successful human being (although you most likely weren't aware of it). To go back to those times when your soul, your self, was not what you possessed or your social standing or other people's opinion but a totality of body, mind, and spirit. And that totality interacted freely with your total environment.

Somewhere past childhood that integration of self and that response to the universe began to dissolve. We came more and more to associate who we were with what we owned, to judge ourselves by other people's opinions, to make our decisions by other people's rules, to live by other people's values. Coincidentally, or maybe not so coincidentally, our physical condition began to decline. We had reached the fork in the road. We took the well-traveled path.

One who took the path overgrown with weeds and rarely used was Henry David Thoreau. The world knows Thoreau as a man of intellect, a shrewd observer, a rebel against conventional values. What has not been emphasized was that he was an athlete, and a fine one. He was, of course, a great walker. This kept him in prime physical condition. "I inhabit my body, " he wrote, "with inexpressible satisfaction: both its weariness and its refreshments." It would not be too much to say that Thoreau's other activities derived their vitality from the vitality of his body. That the self that was Thoreau depended on being as physical as he could be. And that no life can be completely lived without being lived completely on a physical level.

If Thoreau was right, the way to find who we are is through our bodies. The way to relive our life is to go back to the physical self we were before we lost our way. That tuned-in self that could listen with the third ear, was aware of the fourth dimension, and had a sixth sense about the forces around it. That tuned-in self that was sensitive and intuitive, and perceived what is no longer evident to our degenerating bodies.

This may come as a surprise even to physical fitness leaders. Physical fitness programs have long been based on the desire to lead a long life, to forestall heart attacks, to feel better generally or to improve your figure. No one ever told us that the body determined our mental and spiritual energies. That with the new body we can put on the new person and build a new life, the life we were always designed to lead but lost with the body we enjoyed in our youth.

Now, common sense will tell you that you'll never see twenty-eight again, but the facts on fitness show that almost anyone can reach levels of vigor and strength and endurance equal to most of the twenty-eight-year-olds in this country. Given the good fortune to find an athletic activity that fits him, a man can recapture his youth and a second chance to listen to what his total self held important at that time.

If you think that life has passed you by, or even worse, that you are living someone else's life, you still can prove the expert's wrong. Tomorrow can be the first day of the rest of your life. All you have to do is to follow Thoreau. Inhabit your body with delight, with inexpressible satisfaction; both its weariness and its refreshments.

And you can do it if you'll just go back to that fork in the road.

Book excerpt: Running & Being

Step Four: Be a Gentle Warrior

About a week or so ago, I attended a performance by Wreckio Ensemble, a theatre company I admire greatly. The performance was above the KGB bar located on 4th street between First and Second Ave. The show, Naked, featured Wreckio’s past, present, and future. I loved it. It is fearless artistry and creativity.

After the show, I was walking down 4^th street with Rita (my partner) and a few friends. It was a busy Saturday night downtown, the streets were crowded and there was a festive vibe in the air. As we got to the crosswalk, I noticed a guy, who was clearly drunk off his ass, yelling and threatening random people getting off the bus- in and of itself, not atypical for NYC.

As the light changed, we started to cross the street and he follows from behind, insulting us. I could not help but turn around, look him in the eye and say "All right, that's enough." Of course, this is not the best way to get a hostile drunk to leave you alone.

He starts really focusing in on us, and I start to feel that familiar fight or flight sensation. My heart starts pounding, adrenaline rushing, the whole nine yards. Except this time, I am really infuriated. The city becomes silent to me. I can’t hear a thing, except what he is saying. I don’t notice anyone, except him. I turn again and say "Lighten up". Inside, though, I am ready to go at it. I haven't felt this much rage in a long, long, time.

Fortunately, Rita took complete control of the situation and diffused the tension. It was pretty amazing actually, she got in between the two of us started yelling at us both, and minutes later, he walked off not really knowing what else to do.

I have to tell you, it's so ironic that I told this guy to "lighten up". In preparation for this step in the 12 step process, I have actually been reading about compassion across many different religious and philosophical texts. Recently, I was rereading Start Where You Are, a book by Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist monk. In her book, Chodron, outlines a series of practices for developing an "awakened heart", or Bodhichitta. The awakened heart is a heart that is at once compassionate, open, and clear. It is why the title of this blog is mind-heart-body.

One of the first practices, according to Chodron, is to “lighten up”. Don’t take everything so seriously. Recognize when you are playing the same storyline over and over again in your mind, addicted to the drama of it all, and let it go. Treat others and ourselves with gentleness and care as opposed to harshness and a "me-victorious"/ egotistical attitude.

So, here I am, reading about compassion, thinking about the words of the Dalai Lama, that “True compassion develops when we ourselves want happiness and not suffering for others…", using the language of Chodron, and telling this guy to “lighten up” as I mentally prepare to kick his ass. What a poignant lesson.

Buddhism frequently conjures an image of the Compassionate Warrior. I never really understood this. But, I think I’m starting to get it now. Practicing compassion requires tremendous courage, discipline, and commitment- all qualities of the warrior. This will be, for me, my Mount Everest. I have a lot to learn about compassion.

This whole situation is still a little embarrassing. Saying “lighten up”, which is supposed to be used in the context of compassion, to a guy I want to ground and pound makes me twinge. But I am reminded that “we are part of a lineage of people who have cultivated their bravery throughout history, people who, against enormous odds, have stayed open to great difficulties and painful situations and transformed them into the path of awakening. We will fall flat on our faces again and again, we will continue to feel inadequate, and we can use these experiences to wake up and connect with the power of our lineage, the lineage of gentle warriorship.”

So, in failure, I learn that true compassion is not just exhibited toward friends and family but is univeral in scope and accompanied by a feeling of responsibility.

Step Four: Be a Gentle Warrior

Namaste,

Gattosan

Step Three: Want Less

Is the U.S. in a recession? If you hear someone quoting the informal definition of a recession (as two quarters of consecutive negative GDP growth), then you are talking to either a Republican or a Fox news broadcaster. The determination of a recession is usually left to a committee of economists at the National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER), a private organization of academic economists. The problem is they usually identify a recession months, if not years, after it is over.

Diana Furchtgott-Roth, a writer at the American, says it best, “The old saying goes that economic forecasters were invented to make meteorologists look accurate. When the weather reporter predicts rain, one can look outside to see if the forecast is correct. But when an economist predicts a recession, the only verification is the opinion of other economists.”

Nevertheless, we will be getting our much anticipated tax rebates in the mail soon (if you haven’t already received them). Ever since the $150+ billion package was announced in February, the steady mantra of “spend it, spend it, spend it” grows louder and louder.

America has no problem spending. In fact, the savings rate in America has steadily declined from about 10% in the 1970s and early 1980s to about zero. Frequently, the savings rate actually dips below zero, meaning, people are spending all their after-tax income and dipping into previous savings to support their lifestyles. Over the same period, consumer credit has skyrocketed.

In 1992, when Al Gore was still a Senator, he wrote in his book called Earth in the Balance, that America promises happiness through “the consumption of an endless stream of shiny new products….But the promise is always false.” Pollster Richard Harwood found out over ten years ago that “There is a universal feeling in this nation that we’ve become too materialistic, too greedy, too self absorbed, too selfish, and that we need to bring back into balance the enduring values… family, responsibility, generosity, and friendship.”

In their book Your Money or Your Life, Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin observe, “scratch the surface of almost any environmental or social justice issue, as well as many psychological ones, and you’ll find a distorted relationship with money and stuff exacerbating if not driving the problem.”

There is a way out of this mess. But, it requires, according to Vicki Robin, “a widespread, deep, rethinking of the material interpretation of the American Dream.”

In short, Step Three: Want Less.

Namaste,

Gattosan

Metamorphosis

I need to digress from the 12 step process for a minute. As I mentioned in my first post, I am going to be laid off from my job soon. Let me give you a little background because it will help put this all into perspective.

About 15 years ago, I was a sophomore in college. I was a philosophy student at a small, private midwestern university. I was pretty much loving the study of philosophy. Maybe a little too much. As I moved from one school of thought to another, I would throw away the old and adopt the new.

By the time I was a senior, I was reading Wittgenstein and became convinced that philosophy is basically intellectual masturbation. Upon graduating, I scraped my plans for graduate school and turned in the complete opposite direction and went east to Wall Street. It was the late 90's and all you needed was a pulse to get a job which was a good thing because I never took a single business course as an undergrad (a fact I am quite proud of).

I spent 10 years at various large investment banks doing the corporate thing, making money, getting promoted, and buying Brooks Brothers suits. I got rid of all my philosophy books, replaced them with finance text books, and proceeded to adopt the values of the finance world as my own (read: capitalism, money, power, position, status, etc.).

Let me tell you from personal experience, Wall Street does not believe, as Socrates once said, that the unexamined life is not worth living. In fact, I would argue that Wall Street can't afford to examine itself too closely. Why? Because underneath all the theory, the practice, and the quasi-science, it's not much more than smoke and mirrors. On this, I am an expert. And I will elaborate in a later post in great detail.

So, here we are. I have scoured the web for sites and blogs that might speak to the general criticism of the corporate world. There are a few. Generally written to be humorous or to give you pointers on how to make a career change (i.e. create a budget, network, blah, blah, blah).

John Taylor Gatto, a former NY public school teacher, was a harsh critic of the public school system. He said public schools are basically "dumbing us down". Well, in my humble opinion, that's what corporate America is doing to us. Dumbing us down, stifling our self-expression, and forcing us to adopt its own institutional values (which are usually in opposition to individuality). Is anyone writing intelligently on this? If you know, please let me know.

So, if you were recently laid off from a large corporation, it might just be the best thing that ever happened to you. Shave your head, grow a goetee, and reconnect with who you are. You might be surprised at what you find.

Namaste,
Gattosan

Step Two: Play Regularly

I have a beautiful 9 month old son. It is such a joy to teach him how to do the practical things one must master in order to function in daily life. That includes everything from how to hold a bottle tilted up enough so you can drink from it to waving goodbye when someone is leaving. This is Dad 101. Each time a new skill is learned, a jolt of excitement runs through me. You would think he was reciting Shakespeare. And, to me, he might as well be.

These practical lessons, while useful to some extent, pale in comparison to what he is teaching me. Take a closer look at this child (and all children) and listen to what he has to say. For his message is far more important than mine. George Sheehan, long distance runner, ectomorph, philosopher said it best:

"Children who are athletes and poets and saints and scientists all in one..seldom question themselves about purpose. Rarely wonder whether or not they are useful. Practically never consider service and respectability. These latest arrivals from Paradise are nevertheless examples of pure unity of heart and soul and brain united with a body that is almost always in action. And that action is play."

"In play, you realize simultaneously the supreme importance and utter insignificance of what you are doing...Play is where life lives. Where the game is the game. At its borders we slip into heresy. Become serious. Lose our sense of humor. Fail to see the incongruities of everything we hold to be important. Right and wrong become problematic. Money, power, position become ends. The game becomes winning. And we lose the good life and the good things that play provides."

Philosophers and theologians have commented on the sacredness of play for centuries. Plato said, "Life must be lived as play, playing certain games, singing and dancing." Philosopher Jean Houston has observed, "We tend to think of the Faustian man, the one who fabricates, manipulates, seduces, and ends up destroying. But the new image will be man the creator, the artist, the player."

Without play, we risk becoming what Erick Erickson defined as an adult: "a commodity-producing and commodity-exchanging being."

For me, the child has become father to the man.

Heed the inner calling to your own play. Step Two: Play Regularly

Step One: Be A Good Animal

As I make my way through the twelve steps on how to recover from a decade of corporate conditioning, I am going to rely on my mentors that have influenced my thinking to this point in my life. These mentors will, no doubt, always be a part of me.

Of course, none of them are alive. To date, most of my mentors are people who have spent a lifetime in the pursuit of excellence. And these people are few and far between. They are artists, philosophers, and athletes.

Herbert Spencer, a ninteenth century English philosopher wrote, "If you want to be a success in this life, you must first be a good animal". Ralph Waldo Emerson said the same thing in his journals and essays. Said Emerson, "Fitness is so inseperable an accompaniment of beauty, it has been taken for it". "We must be at the top of our condition to understand anything rightly".

I was reading the April 2008 edition of the Harvard Business Review and came across a very interesting interview with Twyla Tharp. I highly recommend getting a hold of this interview.

When asked what advice she would offer Steve Jobs she responded,

"Hit the deck--let's do 30 push ups. That's the first thing I'd say to any businessperson: Get moving. Because one of the things I think I have to offer people is the knowledge that using your body makes your brain work better. Movement stimulates our brains in ways we don't appreciate...So we would start with our push-ups."

And so will I. Step One: Be a good animal.

Namaste,
Gattosan

Un-conditioning

I'm a recovering corporate cog. I am inventing my own twelve step program on how to recover from 10 years of corporate conditioning. I have never kept a journal, been too fond of writing emails, or answering/ returning phone calls, but for some reason am excited about having a blog. The last 10 years have been focused on making money, for both other people, and myself. That's about a third of my life. And this blog is a way for me to turn my focus toward higher, deeper, and more profound concers. Those things that give meaning and purpose to life.

Periodically, I have seen glimpses of a higher self emerge. This higher self is not unique to me, though. I think it is an expression of something mysterious that we all have in common. Usually, when I am deeply focused on what I consider to be a fusion of mind, heart, and body I perceive something which I cannot yet articulate. The urge to reflect, articulate, and communicate this has led me here. I hope to find like minded people who are interested in sharing their experiences.

Oh, and by the way, I have more free time on my hands because I am going to be laid off in the near future. More on this later.

Namaste,
Gattosan